i inflict myself with a dose of jadedness every once in awhile.
often, i feel insecure.
i know i could never measure up to the depths of where she has been.
although constantly reassured,
i say reassurance is never enough.
i look through our portfolio, and thought to myself,
why am i going through this again.
this dusty clutter of memories i've dug up,
are back to haunt me.
this walking archive,
i never wanna go through.
mercilessly,
i allow this plague of paranoia get to me.
argh this sucks so bad.
it's the feeling of being able to grasp onto something,
but at the same time feel as if you're about to let it slip away.
if this is what God has planned for me,
well i say,
so be it.
do i even deserve the right to talk bout God?
am i not a sinner?
will i be forgiven?
confusion's creation of ripples on stagnant water.
questions i've left unanswered,
attempting to seek the unknown is never ending.
it's like how a coin has two sides,
but only a single objective?
or am i complicating matters?
